One could begin with the whole history of cheese, how humans discovered it, made it, aged it, named it, got rich from it, but I’m not – you can look that up yourself.

Cheese is, in essence, solid, curdled milk. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh, there are various tricks in getting the milk to curdle the right way, in the correct amount of time under precise conditions, but, leave milk out of the refrigerator long enough and it will turn to cheese (strictly speaking, to whey and curds, but lets not get technical).

So why cheese?

Why not?

It seems like a perfectly rational thing for a Physicist specializing in electron microscopy who works with ultra-hard materials on a daily basis to do, especially when aforementioned physicist loves cheese. Not to point out that having something other to do than work, go to the gym, read, watch movies and sleep (all the other hobbies) is useful. Besides, I already make my own pasta and wine making requires a little too much patience.

It probably all began when my folks moved onto a small holding and my mother wanted to make cheese. The rational was as follows: get daughter to learn using her scientific knowledge and passion for cooking. Then get daughter to pass on the knowledge and plunge in head long without making mistakes daughter would have already made; thereby achieving 100% yield. In short – passing the exam by cribbing.

I can’t say I objected to this idea, skills are a little scarce in this country and one never knows when civilization may come to an end, which would mean no supermarkets or convenience shops where one can buy cheese and eat it on the same day. So, with a little research, I came across the least expensive way to learn: self-study via manual.

Now, knowing where to get the manual and necessary equipment is one thing, actually purchasing it is another. As we all know, enthusiasm tends to wane with time as life bogs one down, but it just so happened that a letter was handed over at work saying that if we don’t take our accrued leave, we’ll loose it. Based on this “use it or lose it” strategy, I took a week’s leave, purchased the necessary goodies, bought milk and, very enthusiastically, read the manual.

Then I learnt lesson 1 – cheese making requires patience, lots of it.

For example: the “starter kit” only comes with one capsule of cheese culture. This one capsule has to be used to make second generation cultures in order to extend one’s cheese-making career beyond the first cheese. While it takes approximately a day and a half, it does pay off, since the process involves making cream cheese which, with the addition of a little cream, is fantastic! (A word of warning here – be prepared to eat cream cheese in excess for the next three days, as there will be a lot of it and it does not keep)

Staying on the subject of patience, the average soft cheese takes approximately a day and a half before it can be eaten, while hard cheeses (cheddar, gouda, feta, etcetera) take anything from two weeks to six months! While this may sound like a long time, it is well worth it financially, costing about R50/kg for any cheese (including the mould-ripened camembert and blue).

So far, success has been had with the following cheeses:

• Cream cheese (well, this had to work, didn’t it!)
• Cottage cheese (was a little bland though)
• Colwick (has a hollow in the middle to stuff with canned fruit)
• Camembert

The first Cheddar – type has been waxed and is patiently ripening on the linen closet shelf (the only place that has a reasonably constant temperature), while a Gouda is ripening under a bucket on top of the refrigerator. A blue cheese has been sent a long-long way away, not because of the stinky-feet odour but to prove to my mother that the process has in fact begun. I just hope it isn’t the first flop!

A quick search on the internet will reveal that there are many ways to make the same cheese. I’m currently using a different process to make another cheddar-type using the same ingredients as the first. The only problem now is that the results will only be tasted in October!

In the mean time, I’m being patient.